What You Should Watch on TV

Too much TV is a bad thing, at least I’ve heard. But with the invention of the Tivo (arguably the best invention since air) and with the importance of being a human being that can relate to others (quoting the bible does not count) it’s just silly to not watch any. I know, you have some lame excuse like you’re a workaholic or you prefer to spend your evenings working out like an Olympian, but if you don’t have time to live in a mindless fantasy world for a few minutes every week then you might want put the laptop or dumbbells down for a minute or two, your arms are done.

So what follows are the TV choices that I am currently making. I’m not saying that these are the best shows on TV. But these ones are pretty darn good and they give you a little bit of everything. Feel free to adjust to your own tastes with one caveat, make sure at least 1 of the shows is completely retarded and mindless. If I catch you with your Tivo entirely filled with CNN and Discovery Channel specials then I will tie you down and make you watch an entire season of The Simple Life just to turn you back into a human being. Without any further weird menacing comments, here they are…

Entourage (HBO) – I mean, come on, who doesn’t want to know what it would be like to be a movie star. The show brings you into a fantasy where you can buy hundred thousand dollar cars, date models, and drive all over L.A. like you own the joint. And then of course there is Jeremy Piven’s Ari Gold who plays the asshole we all wish we could sometimes be. Well worth the 14 bucks a month for HBO and well worth 30 minutes a week.

24 (FOX) – Won the Emmy for best drama. It’s an action thriller about a counter terrorist field agent extraordinaire. Need I say more?

Flavor of Love (VH1) – Okay, if you haven’t seen this one, trust me! I know, it sounds horrible. But it is horrible only in a completely fantastic way. 80’s rap icon Flava Flave lives in a house with about 20 girls vying for his affection. It’s a show basically about legal reality show polygamy complete with sex dates and a ridiculous cast of characters. This season, one of the girls is named “Crazy” and her arch-enemy is named “Boots.” I am guaranteeing an all out cat fight by the last episode. Watching them fight is better then anything boxing has had in 15 years. And on top of that, it manages to be a reality show while spoofing reality shows at the same time. I know that makes no sense, but Flave gives out enormous clock necklaces every week as his way of picking who he wants to stay! It’s thirty minutes of lunacy that I promise will make you feel better about your own life.

High Stakes Poker (Game Show Network) – I know, you and your buddies play poker, so why watch it on TV? Ever see one of your buddies bluff with $150,000 in rubber banded cash wads? This show has the best players in the world betting their own money, with unlimited rebuying and no increasing blinds. In other words this isn’t some tournament where a shoe repairman from Shreevilleport can force Chris Ferguson to have to call or risk being blinded off. This is people playing great poker and talking a lot of shit while doing it. They actually paid Mike Matasow eight thousand dollars so he would stay and keep playing in the game. That is cruel, funny, and priceless. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, skip this one.

The Daily Show/Colbert Report (Comedy Central) – These are crazy times we are living in. If you can’t hold a conversation about our dependence on Middle Eastern oil but do know what the cast of Laguna beach is wearing to prom, people will think you’re retarded. And they might be right! So grab at least these two shows as your one hour dose of daily news with 2 spoonfuls of comedy to help you get through it. Trust us, you’ll laugh, you’ll cry (from our world’s situation), and you’ll know enough not to sound stupid. Sounds like a plan!

So go out and pick your own five, set your Tivo, and make sure you watch enough TV.