Boycott Snakes on a Plane!!

Listen, I am NOT a movie snob. I am not the type of person to say that "The Green Mile" was a good movie because it was long and sad or that "Beetlejuice" was a bad movie because the main characters head could spin around on his neck. I like entertaining movies and I don't think all movies need a point to them. I can easily justify spending 2 hours on a unique movie premise simply because it sounds fun. But nothing, and I mean NOTHIN' about "Snakes On a Plane" sounds interesting. I would rather spend two hours alphabetizing my socks then watch this plotless piece of crap. I'd bet you ten dollars that this was some half baked shitty script until someone's uncle got it a distribution deal as a favor to his worthless writing nephew. I mean how is it even possible with the 100 plus movies pitched everyday to the film studios that anyone heard the concept for snakes on a plane and thought... "Yes. Finally! I had to sit through a pitch today about a high stake international conflict and one about a retarded boy with cancer winning a gold medal and one about two buddies breaking out of prison and I thought today was total waste until finally someone pitched me something I could use... snakes on a plane!" Yeah I don't buy it either. It's nepotism. You owe me ten bucks.

But it is the ultimate example of brilliant marketing. And I do mean brilliant. Someone somewhere took a movie that should have struggled to get a deal with blockbuster to go straight to video and made it into one of the biggest movies of the summer. They found a star that fit the campy movie genre to a tee, did a huge internet and viral push, and even set up a feature on their website where you can have sam jackson call your friends to remind them to see the movie. (Don't bother, its not not interesting.) But couldn't they have done all that for a good movie? How come they didn't have Steve Carell instant message me to go see "little miss sunshine?"

Look, I am all for good marketing, but if we as a movie going populace fall for this game and run to go see this movie, then we are letting them dictate to us what we want made. We are choosing to watch a bad movie (the director would even tell you that) over some other very good unique films that are out right now. We are
buying the shit flavored yogurt when chocolate chip is right around the corner.

But more then anything, I beg, I plead, I throw myself on the mercy of Hollywood. Please don't let this movie become a trend setter. In a town where everyone copies everyone, I do not want to see future summer movie space wasted on "Ducks With Lasers," "Rabid Wolves on Boats," or anything with a 900 foot snake with feelings. Oh, and one more thing... Do not under any circumstance make a sequal to this movie. I already don't buy the premise that a crime lord would choose to assinate a key witness by smuggling over 100 snakes past Delta security. But if you even try to tell me that they were able to do it again, I will boycott every movie that studio ever makes. I know that sounds harsh, but we have to make a stand sometime or else Antonio Banderas will be calling you next month to see "Formulaic Action 9."