Terrorists Are Really Very Incredibly Dumb.

Terrorists had their plot to blow up 10 planes flying from England to the US thwarted today. Some people would say this shows the briliance of the UK and US's security and intelligence, but I know better. This is simply a sign of how dumb terrorists really are. And I'm talking really really dumb.

We all remember as kids watching Wile E. Coyote excitedly open his Acme box complete with trampeline, explosives, cannon, chewing gum, schematics, and ginormous machete. And immedietly you always new that he was going to end up launching himself in the air, holding up a sign that says "uh oh," cutting himself into sausage size pieces and then blowing the pieces up for good measure. But Wile E. was a cartoon character, not a real life terrorist mastermind/part time cleric. The difference is that HE was supposed to be stupid.

Now don't get me wrong. I'm glad that they're dumb. In fact I hope none of them read american comedy blogs. I would feel horrible if this blog made them realize that they're the modern equivalent of a retarded cartoon villan and got their act together. But I don't think they do too much research, and since my mom can't even find my site, I'll risk it...

1. Why airplanes?
What does killing westerners, striking fear in the hearts of regular people, and damaging infrastructure have to do with airplanes? The answer... ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!
This is what I imagine a terrorist planning meeting would sound like...

Junior Terrorist: "I was thinking, instead of having to sneek tiny explosive devices that we have to carry on us past metal detectors and huge amounts of security personal scrutinizing every Middle Eastern person, we could just drive an A-team van full of explosives into any parking garage of an unguarded apartment or office building and kill lots of infidels!"

Senior Terrorist: "No. We only blow up planes. Buildings no good. No stewardesses"

2. Spend some damn money on costumes!
Look, I know they probably don't have a Hollywood make-up department on speed dial, but if you're gonna invest millions into getting even with infidels, you might want to try not to look like the typew of person who spends millions of dollars to get even with infidels. And I am NOT saying that all Middle Eastern people are terrorists. I'm just saying that almost all terrorists are Middle Eastern. It's kinda of a good early waring sign that security has to go on. And if FX can make white people look black and vice versa for a fairly cheap reality show, then they could too. And hey, I bet even a sombrero and a white tank top would do the trick at most airports.

3. Quantity over Quality
Look, we all want every plan of our to work perfectly. But this is the real world. Salesmen call many more people then they plan to sell to, hockey players take 100 shots to score once, and terrorists come up with about 1 plot a year. What exactly are they doing...waiting on the acme shipment to arrive at their cave? Get off your rock.

4. Stop Being Terrorists
I know this one is kinda out of left field for terrorists, but I think it's worth mentioning that there really are better ane more interesting dreams and professions to chase then terrorism.

Well I hope that they follow none of these suggestions and continue to suck ass at blowing things up. In the meantime... MeepMeep!
Scot