1) What if the people who were fired had Radio Shack computers and therefore still do not have email? -Really this is a lot like the old "if a tree falls in a forest and there isn't anyone to hear it" scenario. If the company used Radio Shack computers to send the email and then the employees use Radio Shack computers for such things as DOS commands and solitaire or whatever else RS's computers are now capable of, my bet is that 398 of the employees never get the message and continue to show up for work. I hope there is a follow up story.
2)How in the hell is Radio Shack even in business anymore? -I'll start with the obvious...the name. Radio's aren't quite the newfangled invention they once were and somehow the word shack does not spark thoughts of top of the line electronics to me. So maybe the name is fitting, because the second problem with Radio Shack is that they don't sell anything worth buying unless you happen to own many electronic devices from the 80's. They literally still sell remote control cars, walkie-talkies, and electronic battleship. And I actually think some of these items might be marked "new." What electronic device would you actually go to radio shack to buy? I've been in them a dozen or so times in my life and the only thing I have ever given them money for is speaker wire. I think their only customers might be ex-marines turned handymen. They may want to update the business plan a little.
And to all of you who did get fired by email... That's pretty lame. But look at the gi-normous upside... you're not working at f'in radio shack anymore!!
*George Bush XII will be elected President of the United States with 11% of the popular vote and the help of George Bush XI's "red states are worth triple law."
*The Palestinians will help broker a cease fire between Utah and California as tensions flare between the world's 2 super religions, Mormonism and Scientology.
*Brazil will slow down production of bananas, thus raising the cost of fuel for people's rockets. Especially upset are SUV rocket owners.
*Dick Clark will once again have his head cryogenetically unfrozen and dropped in Times Square to ring in the new year.
*Mexico will grant amnesty to all Americans currently living in Mexico, but will step up border security.
*The number one broadcast network will be YouTube.
*The PDA eyeball will be a popular L. Ron Hubard Day present.
*Black tar Heroin will be made legal for "medical" use when it is discovered that it cures mild indigestion and is no worse for you then margarine.
*The United States Exxon/Coca-Cola Congress will pass the "no corporation left behind" statute to help less fortunate corporations who can only profit at a 3rd world level.
*Maddox Jolie-Pitt will be elected head of the United Nations.
*A United States little leaguer will be disqualified at the Little League world series when suspicion of his size 13 hat uncovers a doping scandal.
*A Dominican little league baseball player will be disqualified when it is discovered that he Albert Puljols.
*A Chinese little league baseball player will be disqualified when it is discovered that he is a robot.
*The Chicago Cubs will be one out from winning the World Series when a freak hurricane will kill 15 of their players causing them to forfit.
*People will reminisce about the simpler times at the turn of the millenium when as they remember it, there was good tv, politicians were honest, housing prices were fair, girls dressed respectably, and everybody got along.
Listen, I am NOT a movie snob. I am not the type of person to say that "The Green Mile" was a good movie because it was long and sad or that "Beetlejuice" was a bad movie because the main characters head could spin around on his neck. I like entertaining movies and I don't think all movies need a point to them. I can easily justify spending 2 hours on a unique movie premise simply because it sounds fun. But nothing, and I mean NOTHIN' about "Snakes On a Plane" sounds interesting. I would rather spend two hours alphabetizing my socks then watch this plotless piece of crap. I'd bet you ten dollars that this was some half baked shitty script until someone's uncle got it a distribution deal as a favor to his worthless writing nephew. I mean how is it even possible with the 100 plus movies pitched everyday to the film studios that anyone heard the concept for snakes on a plane and thought... "Yes. Finally! I had to sit through a pitch today about a high stake international conflict and one about a retarded boy with cancer winning a gold medal and one about two buddies breaking out of prison and I thought today was total waste until finally someone pitched me something I could use... snakes on a plane!" Yeah I don't buy it either. It's nepotism. You owe me ten bucks.
But it is the ultimate example of brilliant marketing. And I do mean brilliant. Someone somewhere took a movie that should have struggled to get a deal with blockbuster to go straight to video and made it into one of the biggest movies of the summer. They found a star that fit the campy movie genre to a tee, did a huge internet and viral push, and even set up a feature on their website where you can have sam jackson call your friends to remind them to see the movie. (Don't bother, its not not interesting.) But couldn't they have done all that for a good movie? How come they didn't have Steve Carell instant message me to go see "little miss sunshine?"
Look, I am all for good marketing, but if we as a movie going populace fall for this game and run to go see this movie, then we are letting them dictate to us what we want made. We are choosing to watch a bad movie (the director would even tell you that) over some other very good unique films that are out right now. We are buying the shit flavored yogurt when chocolate chip is right around the corner.
But more then anything, I beg, I plead, I throw myself on the mercy of Hollywood. Please don't let this movie become a trend setter. In a town where everyone copies everyone, I do not want to see future summer movie space wasted on "Ducks With Lasers," "Rabid Wolves on Boats," or anything with a 900 foot snake with feelings. Oh, and one more thing... Do not under any circumstance make a sequal to this movie. I already don't buy the premise that a crime lord would choose to assinate a key witness by smuggling over 100 snakes past Delta security. But if you even try to tell me that they were able to do it again, I will boycott every movie that studio ever makes. I know that sounds harsh, but we have to make a stand sometime or else Antonio Banderas will be calling you next month to see "Formulaic Action 9."
MTV is truly the master of garbage tv. The network that has brought you "The Real World," "Punk'd," "The Osbournes," and "Laguna Beach" has finally outdone themselves. It's not so much the idea of this masterpiece that makes it what it is, it's the execution and producing that kills it. They have nailed a formula of good casting, funny premise, and ridiculous conflict. The gem I am talking about is known as "NEXT," although it could have just as easily been called "The Super Fantastic Humiliation Hour" or "Hotties and Retards."
For those of you who have missed this pop-culture nugget, it's a dating show that consists of one main person (usually this person is fairly normal with one bizarre fetish that themes the date.) and 5 other competitors who are held on a bus like dating cattle until one by one they try to woo the main person into asking them out on a second date. Nothing too special yet... but MTV somehow manages to find a mix of completely beautiful but worthless people and mixes them with a few others that could be found performing at a circus... "This week on Next we have a midgit with terrett's, a one legged racist, a toothless unisex and two others who I am being kind in calling them slutty retards. Stay tuned!" Oh, don't worry, I will MTV. I can't wait to see Dan the bland reject these girls one at a time until one of the worthless hotties comes out and returns the favor.
Now each date is timed and for every minute that they are on the date for, the competitor gets 1 dollar. (The low stakes are brilliant as I'll explain later) and at any time the main dater can end the date by saying "next" which really just means "I'd rather take my chances with MTV's roulette wheel of freaks then spend one more breath with your ugly ass." And at least once EVERY SINGLE EPISODE, 1 person gets rejected immediatly based completely on their appearance. But it never ends there! This humiliation bestoed upon them on national TV always prompts them to rip into their rejector. What you end up with is one of those fights that when you see them in real life can actually make a trip to the mall the best part of your day. Here is a decent one....
And yes to answer the question you didn't ask,they do always freeze frame the person when they walk out of the bus and then put up a graphics with the person's most embarrassing life moments. Why anyone would tell a sleezy reality tv producer that they once humped a pumpkin? Not sure, but thank you, you made my week.
Sometimes the rejections go the other way, and this too is brilliant. Sometimes the date goes on for thirty to forty minutes when the main dater gives the producer's proposition to his/her suitor... Take a second date with me or keep the dollar per minute that you've earned. Now if they had gone with even the mild stakes of 10 dollars a minute, you could see how it would be reasonable for someone to want or maybe even really need 360 dollars. But at 1 dollar a minute! That's a complete and total rejection for someone to cash in 36 bucks rather then see you again. That is complete humiliation on national tv. It's the ultimate "I like you and think this could be something special, would you be willing to get to know me a little better? No thank you, I'd rather buy 9 magazines" moment.
But if you think that's bad, then you obviously don't watch enough, because every once in awhile MTV hits the freak casting jackpot on this show. I'm talking finding someone who would rather pee themselves on national tv then spend one more minute with the douchebag that mtv set them up with. Think I'm kidding...
But better then any of this is about 1 out of every 6 episeodes or so when the producers throw together a lesbian episode. Bingo! That's right, 6 hot lesbians in every show! Four on the bus and two on a date at any one time, trying to impress each other while being given their 5 minutes of fame. And I swear MTV must have an open bar during the shoot, because these girls go crazy...
Can I get an amen! Look, I'm a writer, so I want reality TV to go away as soon as anyone does. But can we keep just this one... please!
Terrorists had their plot to blow up 10 planes flying from England to the US thwarted today. Some people would say this shows the briliance of the UK and US's security and intelligence, but I know better. This is simply a sign of how dumb terrorists really are. And I'm talking really really dumb.
We all remember as kids watching Wile E. Coyote excitedly open his Acme box complete with trampeline, explosives, cannon, chewing gum, schematics, and ginormous machete. And immedietly you always new that he was going to end up launching himself in the air, holding up a sign that says "uh oh," cutting himself into sausage size pieces and then blowing the pieces up for good measure. But Wile E. was a cartoon character, not a real life terrorist mastermind/part time cleric. The difference is that HE was supposed to be stupid.
Now don't get me wrong. I'm glad that they're dumb. In fact I hope none of them read american comedy blogs. I would feel horrible if this blog made them realize that they're the modern equivalent of a retarded cartoon villan and got their act together. But I don't think they do too much research, and since my mom can't even find my site, I'll risk it...
1. Why airplanes? What does killing westerners, striking fear in the hearts of regular people, and damaging infrastructure have to do with airplanes? The answer... ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! This is what I imagine a terrorist planning meeting would sound like...
Junior Terrorist: "I was thinking, instead of having to sneek tiny explosive devices that we have to carry on us past metal detectors and huge amounts of security personal scrutinizing every Middle Eastern person, we could just drive an A-team van full of explosives into any parking garage of an unguarded apartment or office building and kill lots of infidels!"
Senior Terrorist: "No. We only blow up planes. Buildings no good. No stewardesses"
2. Spend some damn money on costumes! Look, I know they probably don't have a Hollywood make-up department on speed dial, but if you're gonna invest millions into getting even with infidels, you might want to try not to look like the typew of person who spends millions of dollars to get even with infidels. And I am NOT saying that all Middle Eastern people are terrorists. I'm just saying that almost all terrorists are Middle Eastern. It's kinda of a good early waring sign that security has to go on. And if FX can make white people look black and vice versa for a fairly cheap reality show, then they could too. And hey, I bet even a sombrero and a white tank top would do the trick at most airports.
3. Quantity over Quality Look, we all want every plan of our to work perfectly. But this is the real world. Salesmen call many more people then they plan to sell to, hockey players take 100 shots to score once, and terrorists come up with about 1 plot a year. What exactly are they doing...waiting on the acme shipment to arrive at their cave? Get off your rock.
4. Stop Being Terrorists I know this one is kinda out of left field for terrorists, but I think it's worth mentioning that there really are better ane more interesting dreams and professions to chase then terrorism.
Well I hope that they follow none of these suggestions and continue to suck ass at blowing things up. In the meantime... MeepMeep! Scot
Why should we? If he was a ten year old child, I would. If he had never met a Jewish person, I would. But he works in Hollywood, is surrounded by Jews, is a grown man, and is afforded anything that money can buy. This includes education, the ability to travel, research, and access to meet almost anyone he wants.
He made the choice to be an anti-semetic asshole. So Rabbis, stop inviting him to speak at the high holidays, it's insulting. Heads of Jewish organizations, stop asking the community to forgive him. Let him show progress, show change, then lets talk.
Because I am sick and tired of this PR bullshit that tells us that people's opinion changed overnight after receiving bad press. What, he hated Jews yesterday but after finding out he had just horribly damaged his career and public image he remembered how much he enjoys a good game of dreidel?
So one overpaid windbag asshole historically retarded washed up actor doesn't like Jews? Okay. I can live with that. But you are not geting my ten bucks anymore, and I hope no Jews in high positions ever give you another job. Why should people forgive you? One of the problems with society is that people want forgiveness but aren't willing to work for it other then issuing a statement. So I'll put the same amount of effort into this as you did. Here's my statement...Fuck you you anti-semetic asshole. Jews are not the cause of war around the world, ignorant people who only see their own point of view are. People who believe so fanatically in their own religion that other religions are evil in their eyes are. Sound like anyone you know, Mel? If not, grab a mirror and look at your ignorant, drunk driving, biggoted mug in the mirror. Change first, then we'll talk forgiveness. Scot
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